The first time I used a men’s room with friends - friends who’d known me from before, friends who’d known me my whole life - I was a few weeks shy of my eighteenth birthday. And maybe they were washing their hands when I was leaving, and that’s why I’m thinking I probably didn’t wash my hands. Both at the urinals, and so their backs were toward me when I entered. I do remember that there were other men in the room. I can’t remember if I washed my hands or not. I made a beeline for the stalls, which were the same as the stalls in every women’s room I’d ever used in my first 17 years of life. In fact, I didn’t see most of it as I walked in, head down and turned slightly away from the line of urinals. I looked about 14, probably, with my hair freshly cut short, my head still feeling light and buoyant after getting rid of the ponytail I’d carried through most of high school. (These stories, however, may just be hindsight bias.) Gender nonconforming boys also tend to adopt more traditional gender roles in middle and high school, often as an attempt to cover up their sexual identity.The first time I used a men’s room, I was 17 years old.
They claim the child behaved differently than male siblings when picked up, showing a stronger interest in nuzzling. Some mothers tell psychologists that they sensed their little boy was gay during infancy. The beginnings of gender nonconformity are hard to pinpoint, and a person’s tendency toward masculine behavior may rise and fall through childhood. There is no magical age at which children adopt stereotypically gay behavior and keep it into adulthood. (Studies on females show that only around one-quarter of gender nonconforming girls grow up to be lesbians.) Green’s study has since been repeated by other researchers with similar outcomes.
The subjects who strayed the most from conventionally boyish behavior were the most likely to be gay. Thirty of them became gay or bisexual adults while just one child from a 34-member gender-conforming control group turned out to be gay. He followed 44 boys who defied traditional gender roles from early childhood to adulthood. Psychiatrist Richard Green conducted the leading study in this field in the 1970s and ‘80s. Tomboys aren’t as likely to become lesbian adults. Neither does the relationship appear to be as strong among girls. Joe as boys and quarterbacked the high-school football team. The correlation is much weaker in the other direction: A disproportionate number of boys who don’t conform to gender stereotypes turn out to be gay men, but lots of gay men played with G.I. (Read the Explainer’s take on why boys prefer to play with sticks while girls go for dolls here.) The relationship isn’t one-to-one, however, and it’s certainly not the case that all boys who love Barbie dolls will later identify as gay. Predictive behaviors include playing with Barbie dolls, shying away from roughhousing, and taking an interest in makeup and women’s clothing. A hefty pile of research shows that boys as young as 3 years old who break from traditional gender roles have a high likelihood of becoming gay adults. When do gay children start exhibiting telltale signs? One of the student-plaintiffs is a 14-year-old boy who hasn’t declared his sexual orientation but has been harassed for his clothing choices and his love for singing Lady Gaga songs. A Minnesota school district is facing a Department of Justice investigation and a private lawsuit over its alleged failure to combat antigay bullying.